I have something to say.. (obviously, lol)

HAPPY BEEFDAY MITZ! ^.^

Oh yeah ^^; She hasn't been on for like.. three days o_o;;; Hope she shows up..

Okay.. I'm kinda sick today (just this now ><) and my headache is back again. aw, I don't want a two-week headache again..

chewy: WELCOME BACK! OKAERI-NASAI! ^.^

De-ja-vu

It's dark, cold, silent
I'm standing alone
Alone in a vast, deserted ghost town
I'm feeling cold...
Where's everyone?
Why did you leave me?
Why?


I opened my eyes
Cold sweat running down my face
Just a dream...
Will they really leave me?
Or is it...
Me who will leave them?
No...


The door opened
There came a shadow
I was scared...
Still, nobody was there..
Except for me, and that shadow
Then it spoke...
You...


The word darkened the world
The shadow was gone
Again, I'm alone...
I tried to imagine that this isn't real
It shouldn't be!
I tried to imagine with my..
Will...


I opened my eyes again
Everybody's around
At last... it's just a dream.
How I thought it's real..
But then they looked at me
With the face of sympathy and said...
Die...


It terrified me
I felt as if my heart just fell
But then I saw everybody leave
Disappear... fade... recede..
As if it became vice-versa
But I know.. I'll wake up again...
Soon...


Again... I opened my eyes.
I felt that I'm in the real world
I was relieved..
How I thought.. I really lost everybody
I went downstairs and was happy
To see that everybody's there.
But everybody gave me bad news
Some people died... some of the few people
close to our hearts
Why? Why do they have to say..
Goodbye?
---
Okay.. I know this poem I made a while ago is a little freaky. Yes, I scared myself off with this... but hey... Connect all the words at the end of each phrases. It's what the shadow said in my nightmare. And all those things I said in that poem appeared in my nightmares. I'm scared... I feel like I'm losing everyone. Or... myself?
This is what happened in that nightmare... the shadow appeared to me and asked me... "Do you want to die?". I answered, "no.." and I was about to say the reason why I don't want to. But then.. the shadow opened his mouth and said those words.. at the end of each phrases, "Why 'no'? You will die soon... goodbye."
And that was when I woke up. I didn't think about myself. I thought about everybody. I don't want them to... leave. They shouldn't be affected through all the dilemmas I've got. It's okay if it would be me but.. no, please, not them. I remembered the time when they said that Ledin and Ilpallazzo (members in AO) died in an accident. I inspired both of them, honestly. They made me laugh whenever I read their posts. But why? That was without warning... and then our fellow neighbor whom I often see and barely talk to. But he gives a lot of things to us. Good things... and then I knew that he died already last Monday. And now... my dad's aunt (I think she's his aunt) died. I just knew it, right now... I remembered the time when she was saying nice things about me like "Oh, you look mature already" or "Aren't you such a sweet young lady?" ...why then? Why do they have to leave all of a sudden? I know they're not that close to me, but they had a part in my life.
Now I'm scared... Just get me, not them... please.. I don't want any more pain, agony, horror... And I know that if I disappear, a lot of people would be in grief. But I just don't want them to receive the effect.

Life... horrifying... Death... like a thief in the night...

Oh my... I don't want to dream anymore...

*sees everybody stare at her*

*sweatdrops* Ahehehe ^^;;; uhm... uh.. don't mind me, okay? Take.. care of yourselves ^^ And uh... I only hope these nightmares won't bug me again tonight. IIIIIEEEEE!!! x_x *gets whacked by a metal bar by moogle/brick wall/kuponut/rice cake/whatever you call her*

Moogle: WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!
Me: are? o_o;;; I'M AWAKE! T_T Hey, that hurts ;_;
Moogle: I thought you're dreaming again.
So...nyah.

As I've said.. I've been having a lot of nightmares lately, and yeah, not a good thing for me. Because plenty of those happened, or ALMOST happened. Well... for now... let's just say that our neighbor who just died last week was visiting us here and another lost soul is playing with us.

Freaky.

Like I saw a face of a lady at the inside of my closet... well, the clothes were reflecting actually, but I tried to push it here and there, the reflection's still the same o_o;;;;

Almost got my body broken yesterday o_o;; . Why? Because when I was about to go downstairs, I felt dizzy (oh yeah, the corner where I felt dizzy was the location where I hear freaky noises) and I almost fell on the stairs. Good thing there was a maid near me and I got to hold on the steel beside the stairs... like.. I need to consult the doctor again. This dizziness won't get away from me.

So nyah... still hoping that I won't have a nightmare and let it happen ^^ *goes to a therapist* My back still hurts x_x

liz: dun be so hard on yourself ne?? you want to learn yeah.. but don't go to the extent of wanting ur fingers to get wounded or somethin ne ~_~;; *hugz* u can decline when ppl ask you to do something.. it's okay, anyone can't do everything what people ask them to.. cheer up ne? ^-^

arc: dw dw ne~ you can't be that good at the very beggining xP you'll be better soon.. count on it ne ^-^

.........:::::...::.....:.:...:.::.........:::........::............:::.......::...:::........::::..........

welll i offically have a boyfriend now..and i thought i won't get one til college XD nyahahaha.. erm... nvm >.>;;

anyway... bro's friend came over yesterday and stayed overnight~ then earlier he challenged me to a match in nba live XD and guess who won? ME!!!!! XD weeeeeeee~ i won two times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (both him and my bro are older too XD) bwahahahahaha!!!!!! i am unbeatable!!!!!!!!!!! (for the moment) lol hehe ^-^;;

also learned one thing today.. having two guys in the house is worse than one -.-;;; like.. i'm already getting annoyed by my brother coz he constanly uses the phone and forces me to go offline when i just got on and he won't care -.-;;;;; but then his friend stayed over night and he used the phone too, after he used bro used so now i can't use the net -.-; bleah... one guy calling his girlfriend is more than enough.. but two!?!?! -.-; no offence to the guy.. i really like his company and same goes with my bro.. they're both fun to be with but but but....... sometimes he's so unfair!!!!!!!!! >.< i soooooooo want cable net T-T if i can sum up all the money i used buying prepaids for each month that'll be as exp when we're paying for cable net!!!!!! only difference there is... my parents would be paying and not me... since i'm the one that buys prepaids x.x;; weya.. am already bankrupt... i seriously need to save my allowance when school comes x.x;

..........OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY PARENTS ARE GONNA GIVE ME A NEW PHONE FOR MY BDAY!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

erm..... okie i'll shut up about this matter ^-^;;;

connection is so sucky T-T; i mean... ie won't work properly and when i post in forums it'll say. "page cannot be displayed" and i won't see my entry anymore T-T wahhh *kickz connection* i am regretting the fact that i d/led kazaa again ~_~;; weya.. i shouldn't have d/led it!!!! now i'm lagging coz i'm d/ling songs from it T-T *sighz* ~_~;;

also made a wall earlier.. like the sig i made it's about CCS ^-^;;;;;;;; dun blame me.. i'm not that addicted to the anime (well not as much as b4 lol) but it's the only anime i have alot of images saved here in my computer x.x;; okay.. when i have time i'll save lotsa final fantasy images and make a FF sig/avi >:D i just found a site with cool ff images hehe.. imma gonna remember the url so i'll go there again and save all the ff8 images they have >:D nyahahaha!! after that im gonna look for ff7/9/10 images, if i can find a site neway ^-^;;;;; hmmmm... if you guyz wanna see the wall i made it's in AO if neone of u are from there.. i never got to host it in my boomspeed account since it's full ^-^;;;;;; i'll post it in the forum.. hopefully ^^;

okay i think i said enough o.o;; i'll juz leave a quote b4 i leave XD

i know nothing lasts forever and maybe we won't always stay together but.. every smile and laughter we share convinces me that the memories of you and me will last for the rest of my life... beyond forever..

i like that quote.. even though a friend juz smsed that to me lol am also reffering to mah bf XD hehe... ciao peepz~ ^-^

p.s. liz: oh yeah... if you read this, dun tell setsu or chewy or neone from irc that i was talking bout mat, they might make fun of me ~_~;;;; thanks @.@;

Still frustrated...

Annoyed...

Aggravated...

Will people keep on acting like this?

Why won't they stop?

Why do they kept on doing this to me?

---

I guess I'll do a sig ONLY for MYSELF next time. A lot of people doesn't use it anyway when they request it, so why bother making them, eh? And yeah... I don't want any requests for now. I'm working for myself, and feel lucky if I'd make you one thing or another. I'll start minding my own business so I wouldn't bother anymore with the others. Makes me very busy when I shouldn't be. And woah, you're angry at me? I don't care. It's not my fault anyway...

My psx was yet borrowed again... You know what? I didn't even say, "Yes" when they're asking me. I was just quiet.. and then they're taking things without permission. And when they give it back, do they say "Thank you"? No. For goodness gracious' sake, may the heavens fall on me...

My fingers hurt, and they'll bleed soon. I want them to bleed because I want to learn. You can't learn a thing without being hurt, right? Same as you can't live life without troubles and sufferings.

Enrolled yesterday. Prices are high, like oh my goodness, I'm not filthy stinkin' rich to buy these... But then I and my family managed to pay all. That necessarily means I should work and study harder than before. And that means that you won't meet me during the weekdays starting on the second week of June. My, the wedding >< How the heck am I supposed to attend when it will be held on June 8 at Mindoro and our classes starts at June 9 and I live in the hell of Quezon City?! >< I guess I'll suggest that we'll go home at 8 too... or else I'll miss my first day of school -.-;;;

Ryude: yes, it isn't slow when it loads, but for 56K users, it is. I know there's a script or something whatever-you-call-it out there which automatically makes thumbnails for the images so it would load slowly. It takes me a matter of one minute for 3-5 images to load their thumbnails >< And yeah, I made another splash and more avatars yesterday but I wasn't able to give it. But I guess I could give you another set IF I'd most likely bother on doing some..

arctic: hehe ^^; Don't worry, you'll get used to driving. And yeah.. I guess so. Because two people said to me that even though I just said "Hi" to them, it makes them happy. Well I guess that's what my real name does... because my real name means happiness.

Nanashi: I just saw this while reading the other old entries in this blog... I'm not actually Feliza, only Feliz. But anybody could call me what they want. Just not offensive names... And yeah, I'm trying to post actively on your forum since my internet time is very limited now... I bet the members will grow more ^^

pata: good luck on your exams ^^ We know you'll pass. *cheers for pata* If you did, we're going to have a party :P Well if not, still we're going to have a party to cheer you up ^^

So nyah. <--- If I don't say this at the end of my entries, ack x_x, means I'm running out of memory :P